Heart Break and Poor Choices

In our lives, we will have many disappointments, and losses. There will be friends and girlfriends and lovers, some of whom will leave or be lost. However, in every life there are a few of these instances that are devastating. I mean these losses bring forth an abysmal chasm within you and just swallow up everything inside. You’ll spend days, weeks, months in this black void. While you’re lost, you are going to make some bad choices, you will work against your own self interest. Now I know from experiences, listening to advice is very different from following it, but I hope that maybe you won’t do all the completely idiotic things I did.

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Don’t rush into to something you don’t actually want

All I knew was that I felt alone, and she could never be her

-anonymous

For me, the loss I suffered was a break up. I know, I know that’s not near as bad as it could have been, but I’m a big believer in that emotional pain is not comparable. So following a situation like this you may try and find something to fill that emotional void left by their absence. If you find a healthy outlet like running, reading, singing, volunteering, you know any of that stuff, it probably will help you to begin moving on. However, I chose the less positive option and went with sex. 1. this is dangerous as you could catch something (especially if you are as reckless as I was). 2. this is also probably going to hurt you or whoever you’re sleeping with if they think its something more. finally, there is nothing worse that throwing yourself into something, and then realizing its not what you wanted.

Running isn’t moving on

You learned to run from what you feel, and that’s why you have nightmares.

Megan Chance, The Spiritualist

There is a difference in running and creating boundaries. Setting a boundary would be deleting an ex’s social media to remove a reminder, or packing up a loved ones possessions. You don’t need to throw out things or cut their memory out. Remembering them, and learning from what happened allows us to heal. That being said, I ran hard af. I threw out all of the reminders of our time together, and even tried to move to South Korea. South… Korea… This was not the best plan, but I did get pretty far. It took my friends shaking some sense into me for me to learn that running is not healing. I’ve still left them removed, but I said my goodbye on my terms.

Don’t push people away

You have friends – or at least people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once –

Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus

When the breakup first happened, I had many friends or at least people who were there to support me. Some left because they weren’t really friends, only there for the gratification of “helping”. Others left because the storm cloud that I became was too much to handle. Finally, there were a small few, the true friends, the ones who stuck by me through it all. These were the ones I pushed away. As the darkness continues to claw its way through you; you begin to feel you deserve the unhappiness. You will not only drive these people away because you want the loneliness, but also out of fear. One friend and I grew very close after the break up, but I pushed her away because I was afraid of my feelings. I no longer felt I deserved to love or to be loved. I took the poison that I was given and in turn used it to hurt those I loved. There is no worse feeling than hurting those close to you, and watching the love fade from their eyes.

Yours, and nobody else’s

That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

-John Green, The Fault in our Stars

There will be a lot of pain, anger, and self pity. You will lash out, at those you love. You will push people away, and you will hate them or God or maybe everyone. It is so easy to just keep that hate, to feel it every day. It is effortless to hate them for what they did or didn’t do. That maelstrom of emotion will do nothing but burn you up inside until all that remains is a sad, small person. It’s okay to feel that way for a time. It is. You have a right to feel your emotions. You should yell, and scream, and cry. However, as easy as it is, you can’t let it fester and you can’t give it to others. You must confront your emotions, and let them run their course. In the end, you must remember that the pain they gave you is yours to endure. when it comes burning through your veins, you cannot give it away. You must endure and remember who you are. You are not what they made you. In the end, the suffering is yours, and nobody else’s.

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