Pain is always there. It doesn’t leave. You can grow over it, around it, step through it. But it stays. Like when you press a flower in a book, the pages mould around it, hugging its edges. Like the flower leaves a permanent indentation in the book, pain leaves an everlasting mark on the soul. By MT
Rent is not just a musical it’s something due at the beginning of August and I goddamn need it. I don’t give 30 days notice I throw your shit out of the window.
Candice Winters is an up and coming writer who produces short stories while working on her undergraduate degree. If you enjoy this excerpt, you can find this and other of her works at https://www.wattpad.com/user/Water_Lily_Princess
Chapter 1
The sky was dark with rain clouds and although the worst of the storm had passed, there was still a heavy drizzle that caused the drain pipes to overflow on the roof. The water poured from the drain pipes like a broken curtain over the sidewalk that crossed in front of the school. Students gathered under the long roof that extended from the door to the road and waited for their friends before braving the muggy weather. Their uniforms were as damp as their moods, their clothes drooping as lifelessly from their bodies as their smiles did from their faces. Walking out into the misty rain, they all looked as though they were heaving the wet rags on their arms and legs. The umbrellas resting on their shoulders looked heavy with water as they dripped onto the ground where their shoes sloshed through the puddles. The students stuck without umbrellas used newspapers or backpacks to cover their heads when they ran across the road. Students like Hana, who could barely carry their backpack as is, which was weighed down by extra books, and didn’t take a newspaper from the art room or had friends to lend their umbrella, stood alone under the roof, waiting out the rain.
Hana was one of the only boys left. He took a seat on the bench near the wall which was sheltered partly by the roof and partly by the row of trees beside it. The trees weren’t so tall. The other students made a game of it to touch the lowest branch and it was almost a right-of-passage if you could climb to it without getting caught by headmaster, whose office was in the nearest window and almost always open. Hana thought it was a bit childish but even he, as he sat there with plenty of time to himself to think, wondered if he could touch the lowest branch yet. It was his first year in middle school and it would be ‘cool’ if he could come back the next day, this early in the year, and boast about touching that branch first. He would surely be noticed, maybe even by that girl he met in Class 2B.
He blushed, the youthful adrenaline kicking to life in his heart as he battled with his options. It was like having those little voices on his shoulder, whispering hot lies into his ears.
They’ll all think you’re cool. She’ll think you’re cool.
He gulped, tempted to try it.
He stood up, fingers twitching on the straps of his backpack.
When he last checked, the office light was off, all he had to do was touch it.
Or climb it.
“If you’re going for the tree I would wait on that. Don’t worry, no one else is will get the glory first. I’ve been listening to the other kids and I haven’t heard anything about it since the year started. It was a big deal last year you know, I’m sure the message was passed to you seventh years. I’m in my ninth year. My name’s Mackenzie Watanabe by the way, what’s yours?”
Mackenzie had long, light coloured hair tied back and his eyes were blue. He looked like the typical ‘American’ Hana heard about, breaking school regulation with his hair length and his unbuttoned uniform. Any taller and he might have thought he actually was one, even with the proper accent. He looked strange but not any stranger than his name sounded.
“Mackenzie?” Hana tried to mimic how he said it but it came out like it had been grated.
“That’s right!” Mackenzie gave a hearty laugh, his shoulders bouncing. His wet uniform seemed weightless the way he effortlessly moved under them. He dug one hand in his pocket and held an umbrella out with the other. “It’s foreign. My dad is the headmaster and he lived overseas for a while. He liked the name but I don’t think he realised how much of a pain it would be for all my friends. He told me to go on ahead home, want me to walk you first? You don’t look like you have an umbrella and it’s typhoon season. It wouldn’t surprise me if the weather turned nasty here in about an hour or so. Here, let me walk you.”
Pushy like an American too, Hana thought as the umbrella handle was thrust into his face.
“What’s that look for?” Mackenzie asked, inspecting that twisted look of fear on Hana’s face as he pushed the umbrella handle down from his chin. “Is it the name still? What’s yours?”
“Hana Saito,” Hana said softly. Mackenzie had to lean in to hear him and Hana stepped aside.
“Hana, you said?” Mackenzie asked. “We both have odd names don’t we?”
“My parents wanted another girl,” Hana clarified. “It’s not like it’s uncommon.”
“Still…,” Mackenzie hummed and rolled the handle in his palm. “At least we have something we share right? That’s the first step to becoming friends.”
Hana could have thought of ninety-nine different ways of how to be cool to make friends. Meeting the son of the headmaster, an upperclassmen with a weird name, was not one of those ways. Touching the tree branch or even climbing the tree sounded cooler by far and it would have been much easier just to do that but since they started talking, the rain had pooled at the base of the tree. Hana stepped away from the deep puddle and crashed into Mackenzie, who caught him by the shoulders.
“You okay there?” Mackenzie asked casually as he stood Hana upright across from him and checked for any signs of injury. If Hana pretended he stepped on his ankle wrong and sprained it, it would have saved him a load of embarrassment, but he couldn’t think of the lie fast enough. Mackenzie was already looking passed him at the tree.
“If you want to climb it that badly, I could stand guard–”
“N-no! No, I don’t want to,” Hana sputtered.
“But you were looking at it again–”
“If you want to walk me home we should go now,” Hana said quickly, pointing at the mist cloud that sunk low on the road. “The rain looks like it’s letting up. I don’t want you to catch a cold for staying out in it when it gets worse.”
“I’m made of pure steele like the superhero!” Mackenzie laughed. “I’ll never get sick!”
That made Hana smile and he forgot about the flooded garden next to the school. Mackenzie held the umbrella between them and walked Hana out to the road, to the next sidewalk and toward the docks.
“This way you said?” he asked. Hana nodded quietly while they joined side-by-side on the sidewalk. Mackenzie was near the road and Hana walked along the edge of the path, beside the docks. He stared at the water as it knocked against the boats. Their ropes creaked when they yanked on the hooks. The rain picked up in the wind and slapped the boats until they banged against the docks. The umbrella in Mackenzie’s hand whipped inside out and flapped behind them.
“Hold on!” Mackenzie called, grabbing Hana by the arm to pull him from the edge while he fought with the umbrella. The wind settled and the umbrella fell and scraped the ground. Mackenzie turned it out.
“Sorry about that,” he chuckled. “Looks like the storm’s going to come rolling in soon. Are you alright? You look sick, you’re pale.”
Mackenzie moved in front of Hana and put their foreheads together to check his temperature, which to him, seemed on the higher side. Hana registered it only after he pulled away and smiled at him.
“We’ll get you home and I’ll make you something to eat. You look like you just sucked down all that sea water out there and the salt in the air isn’t helping, is it?”
Mackenzie grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him along, his other hand held the umbrella out in front of them to block them from the biting rain. His long hair had fallen out of it’s tie and stuck to the back of his neck where his wet collar sagged and sloped toward his shoulders. Hana stared at him and thought he heard him talking but couldn’t make out what he said with the wind howling around that wobbly umbrella. Some of the rain that caught on it’s folds splashed him and he ducked to save his eyes. The mist rose from the streets and raced beside them like large, white waves, curling in and pushing against them over and over again. Hana felt his feet dragging on the sidewalk as though he were wading knee-deep through a river. If Mackenzie hadn’t been holding onto him, pulling him forward, he would have been stranded by the storm.
“Almost there right?” Mackenzie asked, louder than before, snapping Hana from his daze.
“Almost,” Hana coughed as the rain pelted his tongue with it’s rusty flavour.
They reached the hill that lead to his house and Hana nodded his new friend in the right direction. He knew the streets by heart because he walked to and from school every day. As they weaved through the streets, the rain began to die out though Hana believe it was the houses that took the brunt of the torrent and it was them that waded through the aftermath. For a moment, when Hana looked away from the docks below and saw the back of Mackenzie’s head, he could have sworn that had been running from something. From the storm maybe? Had they run at all? They were already at his house, standing in front of the door while Hana fumbled for his keys but he didn’t remember how they got there. His ice cold fingers barely knew what they were doing as he twisted the key in the door.
They removed their shoes when they stepped inside. Mackenzie was the one who shut the door because Hana stood in the breezeway like a statue, trying to familiarise himself with the dark halls ahead of him.
“This has to be the right place,” Mackenzie muttered to himself. “The key worked….”
“Y-yeah, this is it,” Hana replied absent-mindedly, his fingers moving onto the buttons of his uniform jacket as though they had a mind of their own.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mackenzie asked as he set his own jacket on the rack and offered to put Hana’s there too. Once they dried as best they could with the towels available, they hurried to the bedroom to change into some lounge clothes.
“You’ll have to b-borrow my sister’s things,” Hana said, holding out a pair of pink sweatpants to Mackenzie, who accepted them with a mischievous grin.
“They’ll fit you better than any of mine– hey!”
Mackenzie danced out of his uniform and hopped into the sweatpants with a shirt half over his head while he wriggled himself into the main hall.
“I’m getting you something to eat! You have a fever! Lie down already!” he called back to Hana, who stood with his dry clothes still in his hands, staring dumbly at the hall.
Hana, half dressed and about to put his shirt on, jumped and blushed to his ears when Mackenzie’s head popped in the doorway.
“What kind of ramen do you want? I can make eggs too. And do you like tea?”
Hana thought that if he stood there, glaring at Mackenzie, that the guy would take a hint and leave him to finish in peace. But that stupid boy couldn’t read the room and was more anxious for his answer than to pay attention to Hana’s disapproving brown eyes.
“Anything is fine,” Hana told him with a sigh as he pulled his shirt on. “I’m not picky.”
“Okay!” Mackenzie grinned at him, waved and went back to the kitchen. The clanking and the crashing made Hana flinch but if there’s anyone stupid enough to cheat fate and truly never get hurt, or sick, Hana placed a hefty bet on Mackenzie Watanabe.
For when you need an airy summer slow jam, or maybe just Lana’s velvety voice, you choose.
2. Nightmare – Halsey
For when you need THE MOST relatable song of all time or a little female empowerment. Also Halsey is one of my favorite artists and this is the first single to come off her third studio album.
3. Truth Hurts – Lizzo
Not Going to Lie, I first found this song on Tik Tok. However, through and through an upbeat single people-empowerment anthem.
4. I Miss Myself (with HRVY) – NOTD
An upbeat song about rediscovering yourself after a less than exceptional relationship.
5. WOW – Zara Larsson
This girl has some PIPES. This song is a catchy house pop song and honestly gets stuck in my head for hours.
6. Civil War – Russ
Just a straight up good song, I mean, it’s Russ.
7. La La Land – Bryce Vine
I’ve been following Bryce Vine since his Lazy Fair Album dropped, and I love this dude. He always has Chill beats and this song makes me want to fall in love with someone at a beach carnival in California.
8. There for You-MVRSE Remix – TELYKast
A very special person near and dear to my heart showed me this one. There for You is a Catchy EDM/Pop song about always being there for that one person.
9. G.O.A.T. – Eric Bellinger, Aroc!
This is another song i’m obsessed with that is from Tik Tok (I have a problem I know) this song is the song from the Mix Trend on Tik Tok. It took me 9 million years to find this song until I randomly heard it and I am eternally grateful.
10. Do You Mean (with Ty Dolla $ign & bulow) – Chainsmokers
This song is Pure gold. It is another emotion driven and lyrically loaded song by the chainsmokers and with the edition of Ty Dolla $ign and bulow it’s pure genius. I also love bulow (She’s going to blow up and be crazy popular mark my words) she has a song called Not A Love Song and that’s when my obsession with the 19 year old german songstress began. Love this song.
Throughout my 21 years on this earth I’ve had a lot of temporary people. Temporary friends, temporary lovers, and in the age of use it and throw it away I know I’m not the only one to experience this. I’ve had both short lived friendships and shorter relationships. I believe, these people are temporary for a reason. These people often teach you some kind of lesson, and help you to become a stronger person. For me they have all been huge reality checks on many different levels. Lesson number one was that people grow apart. People change drastically as they’re growing and sometimes you grow away from someone you care about. I lost one of my closest friends in this way. She had been my best friend for years (and I thought she always would be). However as we grew older, we travled down different paths. I was starting to look towards my future more and more, with graduation quickly approaching. She instead chose to run with a different crowd. When she broke off our friendship, I realized I still cared about and loved her, but we were no longer the girls who laughed because we had no idea what we were doing in math class.
I also haven’t had much luck on the romantic side of relationships. A lot of people I’ve talked to have been potential relationships and have made me believe they wanted that future. Usually that did not end up being the individual’s intentions. Whenever these relationships ended, I’ve often felt alone and pretty down. However these kind of people have helped teach me the true value of independence and how to love myself. I’ve had a lot of temporary people for many reasons. Sometimes it was me that cut it off and sometimes it was them. But each one made me realize my self worth and what I truly wanted so I cannot regret any of these people. All of these interactions, good and bad, have made me who I am today. Honestly I’m pretty proud of the person I’ve become so thank you to all my temporary people for the growth and peace I’ve come to with myself. So thank you to everyone in my life who has passed by you made me who I am.
In our lives, we will have many disappointments, and losses. There will be friends and girlfriends and lovers, some of whom will leave or be lost. However, in every life there are a few of these instances that are devastating. I mean these losses bring forth an abysmal chasm within you and just swallow up everything inside. You’ll spend days, weeks, months in this black void. While you’re lost, you are going to make some bad choices, you will work against your own self interest. Now I know from experiences, listening to advice is very different from following it, but I hope that maybe you won’t do all the completely idiotic things I did.
Don’t rush into to something you don’t actually want
All I knew was that I felt alone, and she could never be her
-anonymous
For me, the loss I suffered was a break up. I know, I know that’s not near as bad as it could have been, but I’m a big believer in that emotional pain is not comparable. So following a situation like this you may try and find something to fill that emotional void left by their absence. If you find a healthy outlet like running, reading, singing, volunteering, you know any of that stuff, it probably will help you to begin moving on. However, I chose the less positive option and went with sex. 1. this is dangerous as you could catch something (especially if you are as reckless as I was). 2. this is also probably going to hurt you or whoever you’re sleeping with if they think its something more. finally, there is nothing worse that throwing yourself into something, and then realizing its not what you wanted.
Running isn’t moving on
You learned to run from what you feel, and that’s why you have nightmares.
Megan Chance, The Spiritualist
There is a difference in running and creating boundaries. Setting a boundary would be deleting an ex’s social media to remove a reminder, or packing up a loved ones possessions. You don’t need to throw out things or cut their memory out. Remembering them, and learning from what happened allows us to heal. That being said, I ran hard af. I threw out all of the reminders of our time together, and even tried to move to South Korea. South… Korea… This was not the best plan, but I did get pretty far. It took my friends shaking some sense into me for me to learn that running is not healing. I’ve still left them removed, but I said my goodbye on my terms.
Don’t push people away
You have friends – or at least people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once –
Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus
When the breakup first happened, I had many friends or at least people who were there to support me. Some left because they weren’t really friends, only there for the gratification of “helping”. Others left because the storm cloud that I became was too much to handle. Finally, there were a small few, the true friends, the ones who stuck by me through it all. These were the ones I pushed away. As the darkness continues to claw its way through you; you begin to feel you deserve the unhappiness. You will not only drive these people away because you want the loneliness, but also out of fear. One friend and I grew very close after the break up, but I pushed her away because I was afraid of my feelings. I no longer felt I deserved to love or to be loved. I took the poison that I was given and in turn used it to hurt those I loved. There is no worse feeling than hurting those close to you, and watching the love fade from their eyes.
Yours, and nobody else’s
That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.
-John Green, The Fault in our Stars
There will be a lot of pain, anger, and self pity. You will lash out, at those you love. You will push people away, and you will hate them or God or maybe everyone. It is so easy to just keep that hate, to feel it every day. It is effortless to hate them for what they did or didn’t do. That maelstrom of emotion will do nothing but burn you up inside until all that remains is a sad, small person. It’s okay to feel that way for a time. It is. You have a right to feel your emotions. You should yell, and scream, and cry. However, as easy as it is, you can’t let it fester and you can’t give it to others. You must confront your emotions, and let them run their course. In the end, you must remember that the pain they gave you is yours to endure. when it comes burning through your veins, you cannot give it away. You must endure and remember who you are. You are not what they made you. In the end, the suffering is yours, and nobody else’s.
Time travel is a fun way to explore new possibilities and alternate outcomes to events that have already occurred. However, some aspects of time travel break the laws of physics as we know it. Known as paradoxes, these occurrences are normally caused when someone disturbs the flow of time (normally in the past) that would cause a contradiction in someone or something’s existence. (normally in the future) These paradoxes can cause things to appear into reality with no rhyme or reason, or a long chain of events that would cause major change in our history. A great example of this is none other than The Bootstraps Paradox theory.
Definition
The Bootstraps Paradox is a theory in time travel in which an object, or piece of information exists without ever having an origin or starting point. It is as if the object was ‘self-created’ and is is stuck in limbo with no beginning or ending.
Broken Down
Imagine you had a time machine, and you used said time machine to travel 20 years into the future. Upon arriving into the future you meet with your mother who gives you a piece of art.
You take that art piece back to the present day and give it to your present day mother
She cherishes this piece of art and holds onto it for 20 years. It is here where your past self. arrives and your mother gives you (your past self) the piece of art once again. Remember, this is the past you’s first time traveling into the future, and it’s their first time receiving the picture. This creates a never ending cycle of you receiving the painting from your future mother, giving it to your present mother and your mother holding onto it, just to give it to you once again. The question is, where did this piece of art come from? Who painted it? How did this painting come into existence?
Origin
The origins of this theory are founded in the 1941 short story written by Robert A. Heinlein, called “By His Bootstraps”. The story follows a character named Bob Wilson and his journeys through a time portal, as well as the paradoxes he encounters. In one part of his adventure Bob travels to the future and finds a notebook with translations from English to a brand new language that the people of the future Earth now speak. With the power of this notebook he uses the new language to establish himself as chief of the new world and becomes a king. Through the years he finds that the notebook has become old and is beginning to wither. In response to this, he creates a new journal with this new language being translated into English. It is then revealed that the journal that Bob created is actually the same one that his younger self finds and essentially, the same one he used to come to power. The paradox comes from the journal. If he was the one who used the journal to become chief and was the one who wrote it, how was this information known to anyone in the first place? How is it that this book exists if the only person who has ever handled it was Bob himself?
Uses in other media
Another story book that uses the Bootstrap Paradox is the novel written by David Gerrold “The Man Who Folded Himself.” In this case the main character receives a time travel belt from an ‘Uncle Jim’. It is later revealed that he actually is ‘Uncle Jim’ (Just an older version of himself) which brings the same question as before. Where did the time belt come from?
Zelda
The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time is another interesting story that uses the Bootstrap Paradox. During the Song of Storms quest, Link finds a crazed man rambling on about how a child taught him the Song of Storms and now he can’t get it out of his head. He teaches Link the song, but when Link goes to the past it is revealed that he is actually the one who taught the man the song in the first place. So the man taught Link the song, just for Link to then teach him the song. Once again this begs the question of who is the song’s original composer?
One final example of the Bootstrap Theory is the most recent from the others. Anyone who watched Family Guy should know that Stewie has invented a time machine. In fact many episodes have centered around him, and usually Brian, as they travel through time to fix mistakes that they usually cause. In the 16th episode of the 9th season, “The Big Bang Theory” Stewie and Brian end up launching themselves outside the space-time continuum with Stewie’s time machine. This essentially means they exist outside the laws of physics and reality. With Stewie’s return pad not working, he decides to overload it, in hopes of causing an explosion that will blast them back into reality. This plan appears to have worked, but it is then revealed that this blast Stewie causes is actually ‘The Big Bang’. In short, Stewie was created by the universe so that he could use his time machine to create the universe. In this sense the universe had no start or origin and exists only within the physics of itself.
In Closing…
There are plenty other examples of this theory. In fact, an episode of Doctor Who has The Doctor explain this exact same paradox. Can you think of any other paradoxes that have used the Bootstraps Theory? Perhaps there’s even a TV show or book you know that utilized this theory and you didn’t even know about it. Leave comments so I can know!
If I have to go through a break up, I want the burn so it has to be just straight whiskey. Another reason, is that it’ll give me confidence. Now that confidence is important, that way I can either punch someone in the face or flirt with someone better than my ex.
-Teagan
If I ever was dumped, I would drink whiskey neat. It’s bitter and it burns just like I would be feeling. Its also straight to the point which I wish that relationship could have been. Oh, and it would keep me warm at night since they won’t be anymore.
If you can’t remember who they were, then you can’t remember to be sad about it. Kidding, kinda?
-MT
I always drink vodka because I’m not a great drinker and it really hurts when I drink it. Then I can focus on that pain instead of the terrible, terrible emotional pain.
-Kaity
Well I’ve been dating my girlfriend for five years… that being said, I would definitely drink vodka. More specifically something like Everclear. Like I would have absolutely no idea what to do after losing such a strong bond.
I drink tequila, but only in margaritas. Tequila really works well because I don’t want to forget about them, but I do want to have a good cry. Sometimes it’s nice to just get it out and embrace your emotions. Also, you can get some great food while you just have a meltdown.
I always go with creme Liquor. I absolutely hate the taste to be honest, but I have a really big travel mug and you can mix it with coffee. You can walk around campus all day just avoiding those emotions. Although I do not advise doing this during finals, that was a poor choice.
It’s okay to drink and not feel those emotions or in MT’s case embrace them, but eventually you have to move on. At some point you have to pick yourself up and start moving forward. It doesn’t have to be right now, but you will have to eventually. Also you can start drinking water and working out so you look hot af.
– all editors… (excluding Samesunsets, he’s a sad boi)
Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren’t so different. We saw the same sunset. -S.E. Hinton
You’re probably wondering what this site is about and the lack of posts isn’t helping to shed much light on the subject. Well, this is Same Sunsets. We are a group of college students and graduates that came together to help ourselves, and maybe some others along the way. There are three subject areas (they’re a bit vague but stick with me here) Loving, Living, & the Reasons Why. Each of these will have a lot of content in each, dealing with their assigned subject matter. Much more to come soon, so come back and have a look!
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